Not This Again

I’ve been wondering who it is that I write for.  I consider that it must be some version of me, just a few steps before here- as in right now.  I search for the very first intentions that moved my pen to meet paper.  And more than that, the very thoughts that forced me to move from inside my head to somewhere out there, talking to you.

If I’m honest, my first thoughts probably had nothing to do with you.  They weren’t so much the enlightened prose of a person reaching for something beyond themselves, but maybe more accurately my own desperate attempts preserve the journey of a person I’m leaving behind.  Just fumbling scribbles attached to the stench of my still dying flesh. My still dying flesh!  Does that sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?

The Bible tells me that I died with Christ, that the old me is dead.  Powerless over me.  But I’m still fighting it.  I see it in all sorts of ways.  Maybe that’s why I get so stuck.  It’s embarrassing!  It’s exposing my folly.  I want to show off what I’ve learned, and make myself look good.  That’s not Christ-like.  And that doesn’t help you.

When I first set out to connect with you guys, the plan was the cover the Christianity basics and encourage you all as I went.  I’d realized how I had initially missed some of that real important stuff way back when I first set out as a Christian.  Which led to my backslide.  I thought maybe some of you could relate to that.

But here’s the problem with that.  I keep getting stuck!  And I think now I know why.  I don’t want to be stuck on the basics!   I want to be advanced.  But the truth is I’m not. The truth is there is no advanced.  In this journey of ours, it’s always the basics.  Love God, and love people.  Nonstop prayer.  Faith, hope and love.  Trust.  Wait, I left something out.  We love because He first loved us.  See how easy it is to get it all backward.  Leave out one little thing, and we’ve done it all wrong.  And that’s what my process is full of.  Getting it wrong over and over, on the way to really learning what’s right.

I don’t like sharing all the secret ways I get it all WRONG.  I’d rather keep that a secret.  But that’s not edifying.  The Bible teaches me to rejoice in my weaknesses because Christ’s power is made perfect in them.  The fact that I want so badly to appear as though I know all the answers just exposes how UN-advanced I actually am.

Lately my lesson has been the difference between true humility and false.  False humility is what we see in the Pharisees and all the religious experts that are constantly trying to trip up Jesus Himself.  We see it so clearly in them.  But my question of late is “how quick am I to see it in myself?”  Have mercy, Lord, on ME.  A sinner just like the rest.  But oh, for Your grace… it IS sufficient for me. Even me!

And it is for YOU too.

Thank you Jesus!

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