Discover Your Battle Cry!

This is a battle cry.  The following words have been inspired by the #BattleReadyBook written by Kelly Balarie.  I am here.  It may not be fancy.  It may not wet your eyes with brilliant “me too” glory.  You may think I need to repent by the time that I’m finished.  And maybe I will.  But what if I spilled my guts anyway?  I mean what if I just poured out my story, exactly as it wants to fall out of me.  What would that look like?  Would you want to see all of that?  Well, I hope so.  Because here we go.

I’m here anyway.  That’s where it starts for me.

I’ve heard so many stories that sound better than mine.  These women seem braver and realer, and whatever the something else is that could be better than me.  You name it, I think it.  Do you feel that tension?  Do you recognize that pull toward the something ugly and competitive that lives deep inside me?  It’s called insecurity.  And the being here in this vast mass of anointed from heaven, stamped-by-God voices that are sure to surround me presses into me, face to face and butt up against that ugly inside me.  Hard.  It’s all around me.  The reflections of my own inadequacies are everywhere I look.

That is, when I’m all on my own.

But Jesus…

He changes the script.

So in spite of all that, I’m here.  I’m showing up and connecting.  I’m building others up, whether I see the benefits or not.  Which I totally do!  There’s a blessing in store for me to support someone else.  There always is.  The blessing is mine for the sharing of God’s wealth.  That’s how it works.  Can you believe that?  It’s true.

Whether I deserve it or not, I want it.  Whatever God has for me.  Because it’s there for the taking.  It’s there for the receiving.  I don’t want to miss what He has for me anymore.  That’s what I was doing before when I counted myself out, before I even stepped out.  Why not try something different now?  Why not come out to play with everyone else- win or lose- cause I can’t lose?  I get to put my voice out there, within the mix of the masses.  I can let it out, for whatever it is.  It can count!

This is me showing up, and reaching out.  For whatever God has.  All of it.  For myself and the others that I get to champion.  What an honor!  I’m taking hold of the victory that was won for me at cavalry.  We are.  This battle belongs to the Lord Almighty.  He’s the King of kings and the Lord of lords.  I’m on the winning team!

My enemy may try to get in my head.  He talks a big game.  But that’s cause he’s scared.  I do not battle all alone.  I march out with an army.  This enemy has discounted me for far too long.  This showing up is me- and ALL my Battle Ready sisters- rising up!  Together.  We are a mighty army.  A force to be reckoned with.  It’s time that our enemy fear US.

We’ve got business to do!

What I’m doing here, these declarations about what God has for me- and not just everyone else- this isn’t natural for me.  I have to  push back against the voices that tell me nobody cares what I have to say, that I’m too this or too that.  This is me, pushing back.  WITH all of you.  It’s us!  WE are the push back that the enemy fears.  Just showing up is how that happens.

Good stuff is for others, but it’s for me too.  And I don’t know if you know this, my friends.  But the same is true for you.

#BattleReadyBook by Kelly Balarie is full of resources to help you discover your very own battle cry.  It’s available for purchase at https://amzn.to/2NbzQrc  And make sure you visit http://www.iambattleready.com for your free Battle Ready bonuses!!

How Do You Take Cover?

Security.  Confidence.  They’re heavy words.  It’s difficult to spill words onto a page without forcing them into a usable mold.  But I know that’s exactly what this practice is about.  It’s the necessity for a space to simply exist.  As I am.  As you are.  Without effort.  Or analysis.  And editing.  Which I’m already doing.

It’s about moving the existence of self from our heads to the space that we occupy.  I need to experience the space I’m consuming.  I need to exist in it.  Maybe you can relate. I too often feel trapped inside the walls of my head.  Confidence seems to be the key to unlocking that door.  I just don’t quite know how to take hold of it yet.

I seek validation from myself and others to convince myself I’m ready for things.  But just as easily, I convince myself I’m not ready, and we’re back at square one.  The only cure for me seems to be just going for it, unsure.  With as little time possible spent inside my head.  So that’s the practice I’ve been attempting to cultivate.

Still it’s not a total cure, in seeing how unsteady I feel from the outside.  I’m reeling inside until someone relieves the pressure with awkward validation.  I say it’s awkward because I don’t know how to accept it.  It’s probably more awkward for me than for them.  But I question and doubt if they really meant it.  Sometimes I wonder if their compliments are concealing something else entirely.  Perhaps a threat.  And while all this is a learning curve that comes with due frustration, I’m still finding it’s better out here than in there.  At least out here I can navigate the threats and use them to learn and to grow. In there, I’m just hopelessly stuck.

So what does all this say about me?  What truth lies exposed beneath these rambling thoughts?

Deep insecurity.

For which, I’m not even sure there is a cure.

That’s when I consider the miles I’ve come walking with Jesus into my own skin.  And clearly there is One.  Only One.  And perhaps that’s the biggest challenge of all.  I seek so many other answers to this never ending equation for which there’s only One answer that counts.  It’s so simple, it’s too simple.  And over and over, I near miss it entirely.  When will I learn that Jesus alone is the answer I crave?  Every answer, to every question.

“Pick something you like, and see how it grows.”  Thank you, Emily Freeman.

Everlasting Daddy, hear my prayer and answer.  Teach my soul to start with Jesus every time.  In everything.  More than anything else, I want to see Jesus take form and grow in every part of  my life.

It seems that Jesus is teaching me something.  Maybe the problem isn’t that I retreat but how.  By default, I retreat back into my head.  That’s where I feel safe.  But that’s the most dangerous place of all.  It’s there that my insecurities eat me alive.

Maybe growing into this Jesus within me retreats from out here, from the outside.  In Him.

“Keep me safe, O God.  For in you I take refuge.”  Psalm 16:1

“… in YOU I take refuge.”

Not me.

Maybe that’s exactly the point.  To meet the world, just as we are.  Without a single answer if only to say, “We’re here.  And we’re covered.”

Because of Jesus.